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Archive for August, 2010

On a Mission

Its official. I need to start my mission. I’m 27 and have no career, have not finished school and have not even bought my own home yet. Some would say this makes me a loser. I personally hate this word. So to prevent myself from falling into a deep hole of depression as I have done many of times before I have to continue making goals for myself. If you ask anyone, they probably could tell you off the top of their head what their goal is- right? So I’ve been thinking. What are my biggest goals in life? I have many but once I narrow them down the most important ones are:

1. To survive my postpartum mood disorder (this will be discussed later in detail)

2. Find my career

3. Find something I am passionate about (a cause) and not give up on it

4. Buy a home

5. Be a good catholic

6. Be a good mother and wife

7. BE HAPPY (actually this one should be #1)

I struggle to be happy. In fact I struggle with it on a daily basis. I have been depressed for years. For what reason I don’t even know. I have everything I need. Yet my heart aches like I’m mourning. I can’t cry because there is no actual reason to cry. But there it is, a huge hole in my heart and no matter what I do to try to fill it its there. So the mission is actually really simple: to find happiness, whatever that is.

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Hello world!

Welcome to my Mad Hatter-like world. The blogs that you will read are not written by a journalist. They are thoughts that swirl around in my brain like a vortex and have no where to go. I go to sleep at night unable to turn it off. Have you ever left the T.V. on all night? Well there you go. That’s me in a nutshell. Some of these thoughts are deep, some are emotional, others melancholy and some just plain senseless, pointless and dumb. So welcome to my blogs I hope you enjoy reading me uncensored and exposed (whoa that sounds intense).

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